2015 – My year in review

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Ahhh, 2015. The year of bullshit.

Normally, I don’t ever swear in posts. I don’t like to because, well, my mom reads my blog sometimes and I don’t want to get yelled at. However, that’s pretty much the only word I know of to use to describe this year. I also don’t ever talk about my feelings, unless it’s sarcasm, but that’s all this post is about. A big pile of barfy feelings. You can click out now if you want to, but I’m going to talk about some things I’ve never talked about before that are important to me. I’m not very good with introductions, so here we go.

bully

I was bullied.

This word is becoming so overused that it’s starting to lose meaning, and it seems people don’t know that a stating a difference of opinion is not actual bullying. If you google bullying, a lot of different variations come up but the general consensus is that bullying is where someone uses superior strength to harass or intimidate a weaker person. It took me a long time to come to terms with this, because I am NOT a weak person. But, it’s not a matter of strength. It’s a matter of imbalance.

 

Again, this is hard for me to write about (barfy feelings) and even really think about because it’s so ugly. I swore to never talk about it in an online setting because what happens on the internet stays on the internet. However, with the upcoming new year is upcoming changes in my life, and one of the themes in the books I’ve been reading is to talk about feelings (barf) and issues. I don’t do this. My best friend once said that there are two types of people. Peaches and Coconuts. Peaches are easy to get to know, don’t have a lot of barriers, but tend to have some things they keep very close to them and don’t talk about, aka ‘the pit’. Coconuts have a very hard shell to break through, but once you get through you reach the good stuff. My coconut shell is miles thick.

I got into blogging because I love nail polish and I love creating. I love computers. I love being able to interact with people all over the world. Then it turned sour. I was bullied by another blogger. I call it bullying because this person used their social influence in the community to try to bring me down. Not once. Not twice. Not even three times, but so many times I started referring to them as herpes…just when you think they’re gone they pop right back up. I lost friends. People blocked me. Brands dropped me. Brands I was talking to, setting up a relationship, stopped emailing me back. My blog was linked on their blog. My work information was posted on their blog. Everywhere I turned the first few months after that I saw the effects of what happened. I stayed silent.

I was told to write something, to retaliate, to fight back. I didn’t, because it I didn’t think it was worth it. The people I cared most about knew the truth, and that’s what mattered. I thought that if I ignored it, it would just go away because that’s what we’re taught, right? It didn’t. It hurt me, a lot. The harassment didn’t get better, and it started to get worse the more I remained silent. I was part of a community post that this person was also part of. I remained professional and followed through with everything, but that level of professionalism wasn’t returned. This person blocked me, but I am in several blogging FB groups where I could see repeated comments about the situation. I couldn’t be a part of several fan groups because this person was an admin of them. I was told by some makers that this person told them not to work with me. I tried to get into a blogging community, which I met all the requirements for, but I was told no because ‘of the situation’. I was added to a FB group, but was immediately kicked out by the other admin because ‘of the situation’. Do you know what that’s like? To be shunned by so many only because they took that person at their word? The things that were said about me, the things that were said that I did, are so opposite my personality and life that it was almost comical. Almost.

It still didn’t stop. A group of lovely people in the community banded together to get me one of my unicorns. I wanted to publicly thank them, so I wrote a post about it. The majority of the people on my list suddenly became blocked by this person and it turned into another storm. This person took to other groups that were removed from the nail world to say how much they were being bullied by me and ‘my group of minions’. That they were tired of the constant harassment and were considering getting a lawyer. The constant harassment. From me. Me, who had been blocked by this person for over a year. All because I wrote a thank you post. It’s bullshit.

 

thefirend

During this time, I wanted to make some ‘real’ friends, friends I could do stuff with at nights or on the weekends, or whatever. I’ve always been an active and outdoor type of person, so now that I was moved in to a new place I started looking. Happily, I found several people I knew from the nail world already in the city I moved to. One of them seemed to enjoy the same stuff I did, so we became friends. We went hiking together, camping, exploring, checking out new places to eat, etc etc. She started to confide in me things about her personal life and I was there to listen and to be a good friend, because that’s what friends do, right? But, I could never get over a nagging feeling in my head that something wasn’t quite right. The stories seemed so outlandish. The things she told me didn’t coincide with what I knew as a health care practitioner. The slight insults here and there, the subtle digs. The way she seemed to isolate me from other people, and would constantly buy me gifts. The way it never mattered if I was busy, if she had a problem I was expected to be there. The way she never asked me about ME, or if she did know something about me (like my test anxiety) she would spin it into a negative light.

Like I said, I was trying to make friends. I didn’t want to lose someone who I could count on to do the same things I was interested in, even if I didn’t feel 100% comfortable with her. I became more wary of her than I was normally of other people. I started to question her, then question myself because COME ON, JENNE WHY CAN’T YOU BE NORMAL (this is a constant battle to me). Then, one day, she told me a story I knew was a lie. I was tired of trying to constantly believe her in my heart when my mind was slapping me in the face. So, I googled her. What I found, well, everything I thought I knew about this person was a lie. I panicked. What does one DO in that type of a situation? Our mutual friends, people who had know her for over 6 years took her for her word. And here I was with a bomb. This couldn’t be real. In my panic, I kept searching. It had to be a joke, right? It wasn’t. I dug more trying to find something, anything, she told me that was true. It just brought up more lies.

I sat on this information for two weeks before I talked to anyone about it. Mainly for selfish reasons. I didn’t want to be the cause of ruining friendships. I didn’t want to be a part of another nail world scandal, because a lot of people don’t care for the truth. The truth is boring. People want the drama and I knew this would cause a lot of drama. I was still building back relationships from the bully-gate scandal. Who would believe the truth from me if they already considered me a liar and a bad person?. After some struggle I decided to take whatever fallout I had coming to me in order to protect those that I cared about. I approached a mutual friend, who I knew had the same doubts as me, because we had talked about them before. It was awful, because I hate seeing people get hurt.

We didn’t know how to deal with it. We didn’t even know what to do with the situation. I made an appointment with a counselor who specializes in the type of behavior I thought she was displaying, because I wanted to be guided in how to approach her. As gently as he could, the counselor basically said “there is no point’. A few more weeks went by. My mutual friend I an decided it would be best to just directly confront her, say our concerns, and go from there. We didn’t want to talk about anything in the online community because we felt it was more personal. Let’s just say the ‘meeting’ didn’t happen, everything was exchanged via text, and there was a lot of stress.

The day after it happened, in early October with me being less than a month into my new job, I get a phone call. I excuse myself from work to take this call, because it was from the police. I was reported for threatening and harassing her. So, here I am, just started out in my new job, worried about my friend and tried to talk to her about it and she called the police on me and our mutual friend. I felt gut punched. Like I said, I am not a weak person but this shook me. Luckily, the officer shared our concerns and said that he couldn’t get a straight answer out of her when he asked for more information. He told us just to cut all contact with her. I did. Deleted her and blocked her on every outlet that I knew her on. I hoped that would be the end of it. Yeah, it wasn’t.

The phone calls and emails and texts started. Asking me why I was such a horrible person and how could I do that to her. She was telling people she was fired from her job and lost her health insurance because of what we did. She told people that we had it out for her and were trying to destroy her and she had welcomed us into her home and her life. She told people that I was trying to ruin her business. She told people she was going to hire a lawyer to get me fired, and that I broke my oath and all HIPAA laws by digging into her background. Googling someone doesn’t break HIPAA laws, folks. The other things I figured out by using my own noggin. So, not only did I have to explain to my new job about why the police were calling me at work, I had to have multiple meetings with my boss and their bosses about the situation so they could be prepared for something if there was an investigation opened. How’s that for making an impression? Then it hit the nail world, and we all know the aftermath of that. It’s bullshit.

 

end

So, I did what I do best in these types of situations. I retreated. Yes, the friend betrayal is something I’ve had happen more than once. This is also something I’ve been really struggling with, because the repeated instances of these things happening, where I think someone is a friend but turns out to definitely NOT be a friend, is too high. Maybe I have a punchable face, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a jerk who treats people poorly so they want to give me a taste of my own medicine. Or, maybe what the truth is, is that it has nothing actually to do with me. I am a kind person. I go out of the way for my friends. I treat people with respect. Do I make mistakes? Absolutely. But none of my character flaws or mistakes mean I have to put up with people who try to bring me down. It’s time to change that mindset.

That’s the reason for this post. I let those two people take some of my joy. After the last situation happened, I didn’t go into my nail room for weeks. I would look at my nail polish and just get overwhelmed, discouraged, and sad. I had no joy for it anymore. That was my fault. I’m not going to let what has happened to me in my time in the nail world distract me from doing what I love to do, which is paint my nails and be artistic. I said in the beginning that I was ok with my friends knowing the truth even if I looked like a dog hating harlot in the nail community. That’s mostly true. I don’t like people believing lies about me, especially if there’s something that I can do about it. That’s why I finally wrote this, as a way to let things go. Apparently it’s good for you, again according to the books I’m reading about feelings (barf). I’ve chosen to not name the people because they don’t deserve any more screen time, and after this post I’ll never speak about what has happened publicly again. It’s done and over with, and they’re joy suckers.

2016 is my year.

<3,

Jenne

  • ((Hugs)). I obviously knew about the bully. I didn’t know the “friend” had been with you too. What an awful situation. I hate knowing that I was one of those people who rejected you because of the bully. I’m very sorry for it, for believing the lies. I hope you return to blogging more consistently soon.

    • Don’t feel sorry, you didn’t know me at all. You know I don’t blame you for it, I’m just sorry you guys got hurt as well. I plan on blogging more (big plans!) and I can’t wait to see what 2016 brings us!

  • I commend you, I don’t think I’d be able to stay in a community if all that happened to me. I know we deleted you from our group because of that bs, and I’m sorry. I’m glad you joined us again and I’ve loved reading your posts. Here’s to a better year!

    • Definitely! A better and more exciting year for all of us! I didn’t want you to feel bad about this, because you know its water under the bridge. I think you’re a fabulous person <3

  • Sheila Gage

    I love you Jenne. And I’m so glad you’re able to talk about this publicly and hopefully let it go. You are 100% right when you say it has nothing to do with you. You are a good person through and through. Narcissistic psychopaths glom on to empathetic people. And if that’s the price we have to pay for being empathetic people that’s fine. We learn how to better cope with the next one and move on. Don’t ever change who you are. For anyone.

    • I <3 you, Sheila! You are such a voice of wisdom and reason to me. Thank you for always being there!

  • You. I <3 you and can't imagine how hard it was to finally get this all down in writing. You are an AMAZING person and I say that with confidence. Here's to a MUCH better 2016.

    • Yes! I am SO ready for a happier 2016, and thank you for being there for me in some of the darkest times. I still want you to come to Vegas next year 🙂

  • <3 Jenne! 2016 is a fresh start and a time to leave these joy suckers behind. So many people have been manipulated by both of these people (I know I'm one!) and I hate that I ever believed anything either of them had to say, especially things the bully had to say about you. I know now how wrong all of that was now and I'm proud to call you my friend. You are a powerful and amazing woman and I'm hoping for an amazing year of renewal for you!

    • I’m very lucky to know you, and I have loved becoming better friends with you. I am so excited for the year ahead, I know it will bring excitement for the both of us!

  • As someone who was manipulated by the bully and then thrown aside, I really respect this post. I didn’t acknowledge the situation in public because of similar reasons. I don’t think I will ever really address it, but I’m ok with that. I feel like I came out of that stronger because of all of the wonderful people I was able to meet.

    • I think both of us writing about it was good, it will help us heal. Also, I think it’s important people start realizing how deep and how far some of the hurt went. Now we can close that chapter and move on to building stronger relationships with the people we met in the aftermath! 🙂

  • Jenne, again I want to say how sorry I am and how ashamed that I ever believed that bully. If I had the year you did, I think I’d retreat from online life for forever. For what it’s worth, I think you are amazing.

    • I don’t think you should be ashamed, you believed a friend. I’m just sorry you ended up getting hurt by her, too. I love love LOVE your blog and can’t wait to see what 2016 brings for the both of us!

  • Dina Ramse

    Best of luck in the new year, sounds like you could really need a fresh start, a blank sheet.
    I feel like I have missed out on something and everyone commenting here seems to know the “incidence” you are referring to. I don’t. Maybe I am just really good at staying out of anything that smells like drama.
    I am sorry you had to go through this, and I am sorry to hear that this was brought on from the Nail Blogging Community.
    *hugs*

    • Trust me, as much as I love my fair share of drama this is very yucky. I’m happy you didn’t have to see what went on. Others had to go through worse, but I am so excited to see what 2016 brings! A blank sheet, for sure! 🙂 <3

      • Dina Ramse

        I’m a peach and I dream about being a coconut sometimes.
        Far too often do I see others like me get turned into peach-purrè…
        <3

  • Dang. That is all really messed up. It can only go up from here, right? I wish you the best in 2016!

  • Sweet Heart Polish

    I 💗 You Jenne and you are such a sweetheart! It SUCKS that this was your year, but your right, 2016 will be amazing!! I can’t wait to see your face again! 😘

    • I can’t wait to see YOURS and your fabulous hair! Thanks for being there for me <3

  • Jenny Phillips

    I have one thing to say, “FTH”! 😉 ❤️ you, Jenne!

    • YASSSS <3 Can't wait to see what 2016 brings Mama Roux!

      • Jenny Phillips

        Thank you!! ❤️

  • Ashley Haddock

    I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with so much, Jenne. You are a wonderful person and I’m so glad I have gotten to know you better this year. The “friend” caused a lot of hurt, but the situation did bring us closer and I am so happy about that. Don’t you ever change who you are, because who you are is amazing. Here’s to 2016 being fantastic!

    • I am so lucky to have gotten to know you more! I can’t wait for 2016 in Vegas!

  • I am glad that you have remained strong and true to yourself, despite those that try to bring you down. I am sorry that I played my part in the 2nd thing so thank you for your patience while I was being a ostrich. I say this every year I feel like but hopefully the next year will be a good one! <3 you Jenne!

    • Love you, Ida! The past is past, and we have moved on to better!

  • imperfectpaint

    You’re still standing after all of this, and that’s a testament to your strength and integrity. The “bully” disappeared from the community, and the “friend” doesn’t have a leg of credibility to stand on anymore. They both did that to themselves through their own actions. Good people get the short end of the stick a lot, but they always prevail in the end. You’ve mended friendships, formed new ones, and have an amazing support system in this community. That hardship did bring about a lot of good. I hope it’s those elements that you hold on to from this year, and bring into the next year with you! From one coconut to another, I think you’re a great person and I’m thankful to have been to able to start fresh with you this year.

    • You’re one of my favorite coconuts I’ve ever met. I know you have your own share of hard times, but I think of you as such a strong, resolute person and I am so happy to know you. I love being one of your blogger buddies, and I can’t wait to see what 2016 brings us!

  • I’m so sorry you went through this, Jenne. I, for one, have always enjoyed your posts and your nail art. I hope you continue to stay strong and go on with your life. Because you only live it for you. <3

  • Lacqueredmama

    I hope this post helped close the door to all the negativity in 2015. Lots of love and prayers for a spectacular 2016!

    • Thank you so much, and I know 2016 will be great!

  • To still be here, after all that bullshit, shows the resilience of your coconut shell. You are an inspiration, truly, and I wish only the very best and loads of joy for you in 2016. xx

    • Thank you so much, I can’t wait to see what this year brings!

  • Carrie Lynn

    I love you sweetie. I’m proud of you.

  • Rebecca Russell

    I’m so sorry you had to deal with all of this crap. I just don’t understand people who make it their mission to ruin others and the internet has made it so much easier for them. 2015 was a weird year for me too but I definitely see better times coming. Here’s to a good year for all of us. Happy New Year!

    • Ugh, sorry 2015 wasn’t good for you, either. Here’s to 2016 being OUR year!

  • Have an awesome 2016, and leave those turds in your dust!

  • Libby in WI

    Well shit! Obvs your year is going to be great. I count 2015 a win because I got to meet you! Here’s to a kick ass 2016

    • HECK YES! Speaking of, we need another meetup!

  • I don’t know for sure what you’re talking about in the first half and the second half I have an idea about, but even though I don’t really know what you’re referring to, I’m so sorry this happened to you. The nail community has been such a haven for me for the 6+ years I’ve been blogging and I’ve met some of my best friends through it. I can’t say there hasn’t been a fair amount of drama, but I can’t imagine going through what you have. I hope this next year is 1 million times better for you and I am happy to have found your blog/instagram Jenne!

    • Kellie that means so much to me. I look up to you a lot, and I just want to thank you so much for what you said. I’m so happy we have connected!

  • And coconuts rule! 😉

  • I don’t know you personally but I really do enjoy your blog! I didn’t even know that you were going through this and I’m really sorry that you did have to deal with this. I hope that you have a prosperous and wonderful 2016!

    • Thank you! I KNOW this year is going to be great!

  • Even as a complete stranger to you, I just wanted to join the chorus of support here. I’m sorry that people from a usually supportive and wonderful community dumped on you not once, but twice. You’ve always come across as an excellent blogger and good human to me, so I hope your 2016 is totally kickass.
    Plus hell, look at all these awesome people who have your back!

  • i totally have no idea what was going on but it seemed like tough time for you. I am sending you positive energy <3

  • Gahd Jenne, THE FEELINGS! X(

    Just kidding.

    You are really damn awesome. Don’t let dumb girls ruin your fun. Especially girls with shovel nails, they’re the worst kind.

    Love you, lady.

    • And I love YOU! Thanks for being an ear to me so many times 🙂

  • I am not privy to all the drama from “the bully” and was shocked to learn about all the drama with “the friend” when it all came out. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this last year. You are an awesome person and don’t deserve being hurt that way. Stay strong! Much love!

    • I can’t believe I missed this comment! 2016 has been a far better year so far 🙂

  • GosiaB

    I knew about the second troll from ‘real life’, didn’t know about the blogger.. I’m so sorry this shit happened to you, I can’t even imagine the stress and negativity to had to deal with… We all love you!!! Big hugs :)))

  • Cat Ray

    I only started following your blog this year, and only an inkling as to what happened but I commend you for writing this post, which must have been difficult. Keep kicking ass and taking names in 2016– you deserve a much better year! I will continue to follow you! =)

    • Thank you so much, I’m sorry I didn’t see this comment until now! 2016 has been AMAZING!